You can't always get what you need...

Hey hey, loyal readership.

Much has occurred since your eyes last desperately searched for an update on the breakneck-paced, exciting life of your favorite White Crow.

If you know anything about my life the past two years, I'm sure you can guess which part of that sentence is a lie and which is truth.

Really, though, news headlines! My good friend who's helped carry me through these past 2 years just had a birthday.  And it was epic.  I'm so glad she's been in my life.  I hope to visit her in sunny Cali when we get back!

I visited Vardzia, the cave city, two weekends ago with a group o' volunteer gals.  It was pretty sweet.  Also I'm glad I didn't spend two years of my life learning this language to get ripped off by sketch taxi drivers.

I just read Memoirs of a Geisha.  Sugoi!

Don't worry, I'm fine, regardless of the political protests that have been going on in the capital.  As one volunteer said, they're all usually home in time to watch the Spanish soaps.  My host sister in law says they don't know what they want politically, they're just trying to stir up some chaos.

Eto's dance group was in Tbilisi this past weekend, with Mtiuluri and Dagestani numbers, and they won 2 medals, for best choreography and jury's choice!  Vulocav!!! : D

A few of the girls at work started running in the mornings today.  I think it's AWESOME!! I hope they last it out!!!

So that's it for the shorts.  Now the long philosophical rant.

I'll first preface this with a bittersweet musing on the fact that my time in God's Garden (not the one people got kicked out of) is coming to an end, quickly.  My innards are rejoicing with the promise of regular intestinal function and reduced stress on the liver.  I'm rejoicing at the prospect of cooking treacle tart and also attending clubs and dance class with my future roommate.  But the possibility that I'll never again seeing these people who I've lived and worked with for two years?  Whose kid am I gonna half-listen to as he tells me about this huge book of fairy tales he read as his mom and I are lesson planning and then catch him in an trap for alligators made of my feet?  Who will toast to the importance of telling your children "you can" instead of "you're stupid" and then solemnly insist to the nosy Georgian woman that I "had a Georgian suitor but the boy's parents forbade him to marry an American girl."?  Who will introduce me as her "sister-in-law"?


For every nostalgic musing on what I'll miss, there are things in the here and now that I won't. This past week, I (again) suffered an attack of nerves in which I made myself physically sick with negative emotions.  Why? One too many straws on this metaphorical camel.  For all the nourishment I'm getting in this country, I don't have the right routine, I don't have the right relationships from the people I work and live with, and I don't have the right intellectual stimulation.

Routine-wise: Too much coffee, bread, alcohol, starch; not enough variety.  I want salads without mayonnaise, tacos, wraps, fruit, ice cream, sweet corn.  I want dance and walks without people telling me to come in for coffee or that I'm fat.  I want showers every day without feeling like an imposition on the household.  I want days where I don't itch from the bug bites I constantly nurse.  I want things to do other than eat and talk with people I have run out of things to talk with other than food and my weight and staying in Georgia (and fixing peoples' computers).

Relationshipwise: I want respect from the children (aka support of a well-established disciplinary system) and the tools/ability/experience to help children with obvious psychological disorders (and their parents with other disorders).  I want respect from the teachers that comes not from the fact that I'm a foreigner with magic knowledge of a language but a competent human being who enjoys gossiping with my colleagues only as an addition to being productive with them and not because there's nothing else to do.  I want to feel like I'm a positive contribution to the household rather than "in the way" in the kitchen or seen as "too busy" to help other people.  And I want my friendships to be reciprocated; I'm always being a guest and never receiving them in return.  I'm overgiving and overgetting in ways that don't leave me balanced.

And I need stimulation!  I am extrinsically motivated; I need to surround myself with people who are self-motivated and share/urge me to be the same.  I need to be with the weirdos; those who see the world a little bit differently than the majority because some impetus has disrupted their lives from being shaped the same as everyone around them.  I have more important things in common with these black sheep, or black goats, or white crows, than I do with all the normally colored American livestock I came from.  They know how to listen to what my heart says even if they didn't know English from birth.  And vice versa.


As this stimulation is lacking, I'm falling farther and farther behind in what I need to do.  I've never been good with timing.  It's connected to my inner motivation; I think my internal clock isn't set quite right, so I need to rely on others so I'm not late for everything and to help me out of pickles when I am late.  However, these last two weeks of school and last two months of service I need to be with the times.



And, thus, life goes on.


P.S. Hungry? See what the world has to offer. ; D

Happy Birthday, Dediko!

This one's for Mom.  I didn't know whether I should e-mail or blog, but I want to let the world know how awesome she is.  So here goes.

I know I'm far away, and physical presents are hard (because I don't plan ahead and have them shipped from online shopping).  But presents don't have to be physical.

Mom, you've been invaluable support while I'm over here.  When I'm feeling bad, I crave a talk with you because then I feel like I have a connection with home.  And you usually get Grandma's "feeling" when I need to talk to you!

When you came over and met my host family, I realized where my skill for listening and intuiting came from. (It's the same place my short temper did. : ) ) You taught me to listen and act not only according to the words people use, but according to what they are trying to say.  Every time I introduced you and Dad to someone here, I saw you do just that.  Half the time, I didn't have to translate, even though you had no idea what Shorena was saying.  "Mother's intuition."

The other day, my friend Ana told me that she's happy that I happened upon the village and became her coworker; for all the random computer things I've been able to teach her, she said the important thing she's learned from me was to listen.

That skill, in short, is how I've accomplished whatever I have here.  Many people just want someone to listen to them in a world where they can only find someone to hear them speak, if they're lucky.

Sometimes I wish I had the ability to listen to myself.  But beggars can't be choosers.  At least I have you!

Happy birthday, Mom.  I wish you many more years of health, family, love, and life.  From, your little one.